This is Justin Karcher's final theater inspired poem -- for a while.
You Gotta Tell Your Story
By JUSTIN KARCHER
On the morning of November 12, 2019
you wake up
to the hardworking chaos of frostbitten newsies
screaming into the void
“Buffalo hit with record
10.2 inches of snow for Nov. 11”
you wish that rolled off the tongue better
you wish for a lot of things
a more magical daily existence, for example
a life adorned with phosphorescent castles
and only the perfect amount of snow
‘cause castles make you happy
‘cause you still like snow, it’s part of your identity
you just don’t want to deal with it every day
that heaviness
you also find it annoying
that you live in a city
where the only thing that looks like a castle
is a beautiful but bizarre psychiatric hospital/boutique hotel hybrid
maybe you’re just overdramatic
you think about this
as you brush the snow off your car
at a red light on the way to work
you scroll through Instagram
buffaloproud shares a photo
a box of donuts with the tagline
“You can never have
just one Paula’s Donut”
you want to throw your phone out the window
‘cause you find it frustrating
how you always wake up with a sweet tooth
how you always want more
than what the day can reasonably provide
anyway, how selfish are you?
thinking about donuts at a time like this
when you’re driving down streets
where the trees look like spinal cords
covered in tinsel
past nursing homes
where the people inside
are trying to use Christmas wreaths
as life preservers
before drowning in dementia
memory is good and all
but it won’t make you any more alive
in conclusion
there’s no messiah to save us
from how mangled we’ve become
these days, there’s no Great American Novel
charting our daily narrative
explaining what the major themes are
nevertheless
you really want a donut
‘cause the sweetness will eject you from this wreckage
at least for a moment
then you can sleep like a baby
without a care in the world
then you can dream that you’re a Disney princess
with shimmering hair like a ski slope
singing a song that burns holes through Apple AirPods
‘cause as long as you can remember
you’ve always wanted to let it go
to float in the ocean with a tattooed god
who has perfect comic timing
but you’re bad at letting things go
like there’s some sort of blockage
between you and that pixie dust you want to snort
‘cause you want to get high
but not in an unhealthy way
you just want to believe in something grand
a narrative that has a clear beginning, middle and end
but also something adventurous
when the snow in your brain melts
and you can swim in peace
the light at the end of the tunnel
but it has nothing to do with death
instead
it has everything to do with life
anyway
when you get to work
you hang out in your car
you don’t want to go in
you stare at your phone
hoping your workplace vanishes into thin air
but not in a scary kind of way
on Facebook
you see that all your friends have called in sick
they plan on binge-watching Disney+
which has just gone live
you feel like you should have called in too
if you did, you probably would’ve gotten fired
but there’s also magic in that
in starting again
look, you just want to be with your friends
binging on the Great American Novel
which is also called nostalgia
which is also called “today makes me really sad”
anyway
before you begrudgingly head into work
you imagine that Disney
must be powered by the tears of disappointed adults
and not by the enthusiasm of children
we’ve turned into disappointed adults trapped in rooms full of boxed wine, Star Wars toys & tiaras
we’ve turned into disappointed adults getting hammered on weeknights
while watching vloggers on YouTube go to Disney everyday
we’ve turned into disappointed adults
bitter all the time, jealous of joy, hanging out on rooftops
screaming, “I’m so fly, I Neverland”
you won’t jump
but it’s always an option
even though it doesn’t really matter
‘cause in Buffalo, the snow is like a trampoline
when you try jumping to a new beginning
you end up bouncing right back to where you started
it’s frustrating, it’s depressing, it’s… un-magical
how there’s so much sweetness out there
and you just don’t have the time for it
be honest with yourself
this is slowly killing you
‘cause the sweet tooth inside your heart is desperate for more
that “more” doesn’t have to be momentous
it doesn’t have to be grandiose
it just needs to be different
than what you’re doing right now
remember, you’ve always been magic
now tell your story about this broken world
and your place in it
but remember, you’re broken too
and that’s the whole point of this journey
learning to see the world differently
***
you finally step out of your car
off to work again
when will you create your own magic?
when will you create your own sweetness?
when will you stream yourself
for everyone to see?